


Misinformed

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-04-08
Updated: 2001-04-08
Packaged: 2018-11-11 01:59:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11138937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: Closet confessions, mad people, and a joke!





	Misinformed

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

Misinformed

## Misinformed

by Kelli J

Author's Website: http://www.sugarfreekelli.com

Disclaimer: I don't own them, and I don't think that you do either! 

Author's Notes: Uh.the story idea came from my cat, who enjoys torturing me with plot ideas and hair balls. The circles under my eyes are from staying up 'til the buttcrack of dawn to finish this, and the title came from a Soul Coughing song. ("I was once misinformed about your intentions.") Amen and enjoy! 

Story Notes: 

* * *

Misinformed 

Stanley Kowalski wove his way through the bullpen in search of Fraser and Vecchio. They'd been missing for awhile, and he had a pretty good idea where they were. On his way to the janitor's closet, he quite literally ran into Francesca who looked him up and down with a sigh. "Will you watch where you're going Kowalski?" "Sorry Frannie...have you seen Fraser?" She tilted her head and looked puzzled. "I was just about to ask you where he was..." Stan wasted no time in grabbing her arm and leading her to the closet. "I have this theory Frannie. Care to help me test it out?" "I guess, if it'll help me find Fraser..." 

They stopped in the hall just before the door of the closet when Stan turned to whisper to Francesca, "Have you ever noticed that when they're missing, they always turn up in THIS hallway?" "Yeah, so, what's your point?" Stan pointed emphatically at the closet and hissed, "I think they're in the closet!" Frannie glared up at him, genuinely confused. "In the WHAT!?" "The closet!...Listen!" They moved side by side to press their ears up against the door. There was a thud, then a faint rustle of fabric. "God Benny, will you just settle down?!" Yup. It was Vecchio's nasally voice alright. Frannie's eyes widened upon hearing her brother speak. She said in a hush, "What do you think they're doing in there?" "Shhhhhh! Fraser's sayin' something." 

"Yes Ray, I know what you mean. He irritates me too, with his freaky hair and personal problems. I mean, the man has ISSUES." "But STANLEY doesn't just irritate me, he pisses me off! What kind of name is STANLEY anyway? Even his NAME pisses me off! I think I'll "accidentally" shoot him one day! Not to mention not to mention the fact that he drools on my sister every chance he gets!" "You'd help me kill him wouldn't you Benny?, I mean, we ARE friends, right?" "Sure Ray, that could be fun..." 

Stan jumped away, glaring menacingly at the door thinking What the hell was THAT?, then, realizing that Vecchio had just given away his biggest secret, became a nice shade of red. He turned to Francesca to see if she hated him or not, but discovered that she had resumed listening to the conversation, apparently unaware of his embarrassment. "What are they saying now?" "Shut up! They're talking about me!" 

"Ray, did you notice your sister staring at me today?" "When do I NOT notice Benny?" "Well, I normally wouldn't say anything, it's just that...ah..." "Spit it out!" "Uh...how do I put this nicely...I REALLY hate her Ray!" "You do?" "Yes Ray. She's comes onto me like a steamroller." "But I thought you and her....you know..." "Not a snowball's chance in hell Ray." "Really?" "Really." "Cool." 

Francesca resisted the urge to rip open the door and kill her brother with her bare hands, instead turning to Stanley and hissing, "So THAT'S what he thinks of me! He would never have told me either! That is SO like a MAN!" "Be quiet Frannie. They'll hear us!" "And to think he actually sounded RELIEVED! UGH!" "Shut UP Frannie!" "FINE!, but I hate Canada AND their damned exports!" They turned back towards the door, when suddenly Stan was tapped on the back. 

"Hate to interrupt, DETECTIVE Kowalski, but don't you have some official police business to take care of? Or do you even still work here?" Stan turned guiltily around to look up at the very angry face of his superior. "Uh, hello sir. You look so much taller than I last remember you." "This had better be good. And could you please tell me why Francesca has her ear plastered to the door of the janitor's closet?" "Yeah, uh, see we were just listening to Fraser and Vecchio..." "Fraser and Vecchio? In the closet?" "Yes sir, and they were talking about us, and.." "Really? Good or bad?" "Mostly bad sir." "Well this I'll have to hear for myself!" 

So there they were. The three of them lined up outside the door while the conversation continued in the closet. 

"So what do you think of Welsh today?" "Well, I'd say he's his usual hard-assed self Ray." A chuckle filled the silence, then, "Yeah Benny, I'd say that about sums him up. Along with a few other words!" More chuckling. 

"That's it! I swear I'm going to kill them both!" "Calm down Sir!" "Calm down?" Welsh said the words as if he didn't know what they meant. And from the look on his face, there was a pretty good chance that he didn't. Let's hear what else they have to say about us...maybe they'll let something incriminating slip...we could use it against them." 

"(whine)" Stan glanced down to see Diefenbaker looking up at him, wondering just what the hell was happening. "Shut up Dief. Your whacked out Canadian owner is talking trash about us!" 

So there they were again. All four of them, Yes four of them. Deifenbaker also had his fuzzy ear firmly affixed to the door. And true to form, Fraser and Ray started to speak again. 

"I'll have you know that your damned wolf stole my donut this morning." "I'm sorry Ray...I wish Dief would shape up. He's becoming the most obese wolf I've ever seen in my life. And I've seen some pretty pathetic wolves, Ray." "Yeah Benny, Dief IS pretty pathetic as far as wolves go." 

Deifenbaker growled at the door, every hair on his back lifting in anger. "GRRRRRR" "Yeah, I know how you feel boy." "Me too." "Me three!" They all took their ears off of the door and turned to face each other. 

"So what do we do now?!" "I wanna make them pay!" "Yeah..." "But how? We can't just confront them, or they'll know we were spying!" "Damn! Well I guess we just keep listening..." "I don't know if that'll work, I mean..." Francesca was cut off by Stan frantically motioning her to shut the hell up. 

"So Ray..." "Yes Benny?" "Where did you put that incriminating photograph of ours?" "What photo?" "You know...the one we swore that no one but ourselves would see?" 

All three humans on the other side of the door raised their eyebrows in unison. Deifenbaker just squinted a beady eye towards the door. Welsh muttered, "I always knew there was something funny was going on with them." "Euwww! My own brother!" meanwhile, the gears were turning in Stan's head. If they could only get ahold of this "incriminating" photo...he'd make them pay. Big time. With interest. And dates with Frannie... 

"Oh THAT photo." Chuckle. It's in the first drawer of the desk in your apartment. Why?" "Just wondering, Ray." Snicker. 

All four of them eyed each other, obviously thinking the same devious plans. After a long stretch of silence, they finally spoke. "So...when and where?" "Twenty minutes." "Outside Fraser's apartment." "Great. I'll bring the crowbar!" 

Fraser and Ray waited until Francesca, Welsh and Kowalski's voices could no longer be heard then they waited ten minutes longer for good measure. At last they emerged from the closet. 

Checking to see that they were alone, Fraser faced Ray and spoke in a hush. 

"That was pretty mean Ray." "Yeah, but it was all your idea, wasn't it?" "Touche." "I hope they forgive us..." "No regrets Benny, they deserved it!" "Too true, my friend, too true." As they sauntered down the hall towards the Riv, Ray spoke again. 

"Well, we have a good ten minutes to get to your apartment and make the arrest. After all, breaking and entering IS a crime." Fraser and Ray exchanged devilish smiles. "And they say practical jokes are dead..." 

* * *

End


End file.
